I once encountered a two-way mirror and it was fascinating since you could see yourself on the other side of the mirror or the person on the other. After gazing at people walking past, through the sliding mirror in the window, I stepped outside the room and stood in front of my reflection. A reflection with an image of just myself without seeing the things behind the mirror. A two-way mirror — two different perspectives but facing the same frame; as a varied couple of feelings but playing in the same game — an unrequited love.   

Self-worth is the one that I have lost for almost a year after entering the door of an unrequited love. It may be exhilarating due to the bare minimum, delusions, and unexplained butterflies whenever we have a small interaction however, it also made me feel empty and insecure. Would it still be considered love even if it shatters you? 

Love is a gamble—a head or a tail.  

If a person took the risk of betting his last coin in a gamble with half a chance of winning and another half for the chance of returning home with nothing, would you be that person?  

Labyrinthine love seems hard to comprehend since it is the most complicated aspect every person experiences throughout their lives. It is a gamble; an uncertain and jeopardizing thing to have as well as to lose. A chance of victory or defeat from the bet — time, effort, emotions, money, and commitment people put in a needlelike thread for unexpected odds. There are two odds in love: curative love and venomous love.  

Is love curative? 

Curative love gives healing, relief, and ease to two different individuals kindred by love. It may be the winning head in a flipping coin as it cures the youthful or even a shattered heart, making it the most favored kind of love.  

Love comes in different forms, it may be agape (unconditional), eros (sensual or romantic love), philia (brotherly love), storge (familial love), ludus (playful love), pragma (mature), philautia (self-love), or mania (obsessive love). Love becomes curative when we feel comfort when we are with someone we love. A butterfly in the stomach might be the most familiar feeling when we are with them. It is a pinch of curative love as our body also feels the signal from our hearts. 

Or love is venomous? 

Nevertheless, not all kinds of admiration mend hearts. Venomous love poisons the sweet air, not only on the 14th of February but on every single day of suffocation due to the toxicity of love. It bashes the frailty of the one who admires and is admired, making them terrified to love again. 

The feeling when we are riding a roller coaster — a whirlpool in our stomach, may be the contrary of the butterflies we feel when love is curative. It is qualmish as if we want to throw everything up because it does not feel right. Venomous love does not feel right. 

An unrequited love: Catching a fish 

Fishing is a dignified work abundant in our society. Fishermen may sail to the sea because they want to or they need to. The fish’s perspective will never be clear as they cannot express themselves. But, let us put their roles into the shoes of the person who admires (fisherman) and the person who is being admired (fish) to discern the point of view of the people inside an unrequited love. 

Fisherman’s POV  

A fisherman will surely strive to catch the fish against the fear of the crashing of waves. People are described as acquisitive as they crave for more after another. People who are prisoners of unrequited love feel the same when they try to attain the person they like. They tend to run after someone they conceive they can get since they are holding on to the phantasm of “perfect love” in their minds. Mixed signals also build up the stacks of hope they carry through unrequited love. On top of that, they may also feel incomplete; hence, they are seeking the love they assume will fill the gaps.  

The fisherman’s desire to catch the fish could neither be ceased by a high current nor a strong wind if he believe that his boat is sturdy enough, just as a person could not be hindered by a rejection or two if he is anchored to his disquieted mind buzzing to attain the apex of his improbable love. Nonetheless, no matter how tough the fisherman’s boat is, if the fish escapes the net, it will still go back to the ocean. It will make the fisherman learn that he cannot control everything, especially the fish, like how people who are blinded by love must also realize. 

Fish’s POV 

In a vast ocean full of boats, a fish is waiting for the right fisherman. Luck may come rolling their way, but it’s not always “that” fisherman. Overwhelmedness, guilt, and confusion are the feelings that agitate these people. The overwhelming cargo of feelings they carry, drags them into a sandpit. They try to escape the guilt of not reciprocating the feelings of the one who loves them. The burden inside their hearts broke them and made them fragile to love and anxious to reject. Many factors hinder them from loving and abandoning their rights to like someone because of the mentality of other people that they should pick “the choice” unless they want to be wounded by the harsh words.  

The point of view of the fish may be as shallow as the water on the coast for other people, but it is as deep as a trench waiting to be seen by those who keep a blind eye. The fish’s viewpoint is often not considered, as people think they have the “privilege” of having an option, unlike other people who have none. Despite this, they also feel burdened by the excessive attention the fisherman always throws at them. There are too many fish in the ocean, yet the fisherman still thrives to get what he wants.   

In every situation, there is always a choice. The fisherman may leave the ocean and go home with nothing or he may thrive to fight the current just to go home with the one that he desires— the fish. The fish also do have a choice. Despite of the fact that they cannot express themselves, they still have a survival skill that they may use to make their own choices. It can escape out of the net or embrace its destiny — to be eaten. Are you the fish or the fisherman?  

The Escape: Facets of Self-Love 

An unfeigned sense of love and the pluck of one’s heartstrings are the feelings to be valued after breaking free from the manacle of venomous love. A formidable single step away from what you used to feel may be an enormous adjustment both for the fisherman and the fish. After a long time of giving too much love and expecting to be loved, you will soon realize your worth. The nightmare you felt at first will become euphoria after seeing the exit and a new door of opportunity to fix your heart again—self-love. 

First Phase: Realization  

Every knot could be untied; if you finally exit the strangling room of toxic love and delusions, you may find your self-worth that had been lost. You start to realize that it is okay to love, even if you are not loved back, or to reject a person without feeling the burden of guilt and confusion. Your feelings matter as they will be the foundation of love in a relationship in the future.  

The first phase will surely be the highest mountain you will climb among the other three phases. It requires honesty and self-trust to reach the peak of realization. Pondering thoughts through self-assessment could also work in the process of discerning the pipe dream to the actuality. 

Second Phase: Longing  

After you finally escape, longing will find its way to imprison your heart again. Our minds cannot forget by choice, but to forget is not always the right choice. The experience you had during the unrequited love may serve as an impetus to take more steps forward.   

 Nonetheless, you must not take a step back, as it will break you entirely, causing to be wrecked and hard to glue back. Relapsing to what made you feel the worst will repeat the cycle and let you down over and over again. Leave the past and let it be just a memory to remember.  

Third Phase: Acceptance  

Once you see the light in the dark maze of the journey to self-love, acceptance comes after. Soon after the light shines through your heart, a few steps to self-love will come next. In this phase, you will learn to accept yourself, no matter how hard people step down on you. The chimera and weight of far-fetched love will lighten, every tiptoe to the exit. 

Fourth Phase: Self-Love 

Knowing your value and loving yourself despite the scar of the nocuous words that wounded you is a significant sign of self-love. After escaping the unrequited love, whether you are the fisherman or the fish, you will at last feel the curative love. The curative love within yourself could be a new and more sturdy door to be opened for a fresh kind of love for tomorrow. 

Love is supposed to have a two-way perspective, not a distant catch of feelings. The unrequited love I entered before, bloomed into self-appreciation. I brought my self-worth back and expounded my self-respect to be equipped for the next relationships I will have. Strive to escape the venomous love; breathe with the salubrious air of curative love; and sail to the path of loving one’s self. Be neither the fisherman nor the fish. Instead, be the shore that does not run or is being run after, but who patiently waits for the waves to come.